Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Well, we are underway. It's been an overwhelming, rewarding, and exhausting few months. I get asked often how things are going, it's hard to answer- good, most days. But there is so much running underneath the current of our daily lives, it's hard to answer in a sentence.
The routine of school has been great for everyone, especially Jesse, who seems to thrive on routine. It's been good for me to have a structure to my days that so often feel chaotic- thanks to a sweet little baby who refuses to do the same thing twice. Karis is enjoying preschool but sometimes I think she enjoys the car ride to school with Daddy more.
Jesse is really enjoying school, especially math. He is taking to it really well and it has been such a joy to watch him conquer new skills. He loves history lessons- often listened to in the car on the way to pick Karis up at preschool. Reading is a struggle- not because he hasn't caught on but because he doesn't like to read. He can easily read off words on flash cards but the sentences seem to overwhelm him. I am learning the balance between pushing him to try harder and stressing him out- this week candy corn worked wonders! The English major, book lover in me is trying not to be disappointed. I think I had visions of all my kids devouring books and enjoying them as much as me. But I need to keep telling myself that it is probably a maturity thing- he is only 5 and just learning.
So, that's the nutshell version. What is going on inside my head all day? I have a lot doubt. Can I really do this? Do I really love my kids enough to be with them ALL day long? Will I ever have time to myself? Of course, the rational part of me reminds myself that I am still not sleeping through the night and Silas is still at a pretty needy stage of life. As the kids get older and more independent, things will be easier. When I start sleeping better, life will be better. But I don't want to spend my days pining for the future- I would miss so much. I would miss the sparkle in Jesse's eyes when he learns something new. I would miss struggling with Jesse to read just one more sentence and seeing the victory on his face. I would miss time- time to learn, to read, to lead my kids to each other and to God. I would miss the opportunity to give my kids more- time with me, the time they need to learn the way that is best for them and to learn about things that excite them. I would miss learning- I am actually loving how much I am learning along with Jesse. So, it's hard but it is good- isn't that life though?
If you think about it you could pray as I wade through these days- that I would find joy in the muck, rest in the chaos, love in the unlovable moments. I read on a fellow homeschooling blog today that life within a family is like sandpaper that rubs together until it is smooth- such a great picture of our life right now. Pray that I would have patience in our sandpaper existence.
That's all for now- I am hoping to improve lag time between posts, we'll see how things go!


words and streets said...

hey jane---sounds like it's going well! :) keep pressing on. it is definitely exhausting. one thing that helps me is just to remember that a lot of this homeschooling business is about relationship. ongoing building of a foundation, opening the doors. it's been so hard for me as well but so good, too. probably one of the other biggest things is just to have realistic expectations, you know? still trying to figure that one out. blessings on you as you persevere....much love, allie

Jane said...

thanks for the reminder, allie. this really is all about relationship- it's very easy to get wrapped up in getting the lesson done and getting through the morning- i caught myself the other day and thought, 'we have nowhere to go, no place to be, why i am i stressing about getting this math lesson done??' still finding the balance btw teacher and mom and nuturing both relationships.