Lessons

Well, we are underway. It's been an overwhelming, rewarding, and exhausting few months. I get asked often how things are going, it's hard to answer- good, most days. But there is so much running underneath the current of our daily lives, it's hard to answer in a sentence.
The routine of school has been great for everyone, especially Jesse, who seems to thrive on routine. It's been good for me to have a structure to my days that so often feel chaotic- thanks to a sweet little baby who refuses to do the same thing twice. Karis is enjoying preschool but sometimes I think she enjoys the car ride to school with Daddy more.
Jesse is really enjoying school, especially math. He is taking to it really well and it has been such a joy to watch him conquer new skills. He loves history lessons- often listened to in the car on the way to pick Karis up at preschool. Reading is a struggle- not because he hasn't caught on but because he doesn't like to read. He can easily read off words on flash cards but the sentences seem to overwhelm him. I am learning the balance between pushing him to try harder and stressing him out- this week candy corn worked wonders! The English major, book lover in me is trying not to be disappointed. I think I had visions of all my kids devouring books and enjoying them as much as me. But I need to keep telling myself that it is probably a maturity thing- he is only 5 and just learning.
So, that's the nutshell version. What is going on inside my head all day? I have a lot doubt. Can I really do this? Do I really love my kids enough to be with them ALL day long? Will I ever have time to myself? Of course, the rational part of me reminds myself that I am still not sleeping through the night and Silas is still at a pretty needy stage of life. As the kids get older and more independent, things will be easier. When I start sleeping better, life will be better. But I don't want to spend my days pining for the future- I would miss so much. I would miss the sparkle in Jesse's eyes when he learns something new. I would miss struggling with Jesse to read just one more sentence and seeing the victory on his face. I would miss time- time to learn, to read, to lead my kids to each other and to God. I would miss the opportunity to give my kids more- time with me, the time they need to learn the way that is best for them and to learn about things that excite them. I would miss learning- I am actually loving how much I am learning along with Jesse. So, it's hard but it is good- isn't that life though?
If you think about it you could pray as I wade through these days- that I would find joy in the muck, rest in the chaos, love in the unlovable moments. I read on a fellow homeschooling blog today that life within a family is like sandpaper that rubs together until it is smooth- such a great picture of our life right now. Pray that I would have patience in our sandpaper existence.
That's all for now- I am hoping to improve lag time between posts, we'll see how things go!