Today I was busy taking Jesse and Karis to the dentist for cleanings and also to have one of Jesse's baby teeth removed because his big tooth was growing in behind it. He was so excited to finally "lose" a tooth- he has not lost one yet and was starting to feel left out. Thanks to some laughing gas, he didn't really know what the dentist was doing in his mouth, he just had a tooth at the end and was very happy. He looks like such a big boy with that gap in his teeth!
After a long week and an even longer weekend with Matt working and me still not feeling well, I was really looking forward to going to bed last night. But as soon as I hit the pillow my mind started racing about the weekend and all the ways I had failed as a mom. I was having a hard time with Jesse's behavior most of the weekend. We think he may have ADHD and this weekend I definitely did not need a test to believe it! But, in my worn out, sick, selfish flesh, I did not respond the way I should have to his behavior. So, I lay in bed last night and let the guilt set in. And it didn't stop with Jesse either, my failures as Karis' mother flooded me as well. After an hour of tossing and turning and replaying events in my head, I surrendered to Jesus. I repented and I prayed. It was nothing profound or deep or long (in fact I may have fallen asleep half way through) but it was the only thing that was going to bring me peace.
When I woke up this morning, I didn't have time to process or ponder any state of peace. My day started and just took off. But I noticed later, after Jesse was home from the dentist, that he was really good today. He wasn't insanely wild, he listened to me and even did a puzzle while I cooked dinner. He come over at one point and hugged my legs and said, "I love you Mom." Grace hit me like a ton of bricks. I certainly did not deserve my son's love after I failed to love him over the weekend, but he did love me, simply because I am his mom. Isn't that just like God's mercy, undeserved, unmerited and free?
So, my Mommy Monday thought is that there will be times as mothers when we feel like we have screwed up, that we don't deserve this high calling of motherhood. There will be nights of guilt induced tossing and turning. But He promises that His mercies are new every morning. He doesn't leave us in the dark of night.
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.