Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tuesday's Truth

I have been struggling through this morning.

My attempts to go to bed early to recover from a tiring, husband on-call weekend were thwarted by changing wet sheets, removing a little boy from our bed and returning him to his own and just plain old restlessness from a lot on my mind.
I woke up groggy, sleeping through my quiet time to a kitchen with last night's dishes piled all over the counters (my short cut to getting to bed early).
I was also fighting a gnawing resentment toward my husband for not doing the dishes for me last night, even though I didn't ask him, I just THOUGHT it might be a good idea.

This kind of a morning usually leads me down the road of guilt eventually.  Guilt for not planning my day better and getting things done, guilt for being grouchy with the kids, guilt for resenting my husband for no reason.
It is an ancient battle, a familiar one.
As I was reading through my blog list at lunch, I remembered what I had heard Ann Voskamp say in her interview for the first chapter of her book on the Bloom site over the weekend.  She talked about the battle of resentment and gratitude we fight daily. She pointed out that since the Fall, our default has always been resentment when things don't go the way we planned or thought they should go. I am doing battle today, this moment, to not default to resentment.  But I am also fighting my way off the guilt trip as well.  There is a guilt that leads to death and one that leads to life.  I want to walk toward life.  And come out on the other side, thanking Him.

Thank you for walking with me today!


Stephanie said...

Take heart, Jane. I've had lots of those days lately, and ironically I've taken comfort from Ann Voskamp's words as well. Thanks for sharing...it's reassuring to know that we're not alone in our struggles. (PS> Thanks for the comment on Sugar & Spice last week regarding my need for Jesus. You couldn't have been more right.)

Jane said...

Thank you for stopping by Stephanie!

Karen Dawkins said...

Hey Jane,
What does your husband do? Mine is a family doc, and we have the call weekend chaos too. Early on, when the kids were young, I dreaded those weekends. Now, we are used to them (I would hope so after 20+ years of it). We have call weekend life and regular weekend life, but it's all normal.

When I grumble (I couldn't find the dog's leash this a.m. and blamed my DH for leaving it someplace strange when he walked her before work), I know to stop and thank God for the man he gave me. I thank God for the opportunity to stay home with the kids and not be torn like so many families between kids and work, and I thank Him that my husband lives out his calling to minister to physical and spiritual hurts each day.

We are a team - he and I. My attitude impacts his ability to minister through healing.

Praying that you'll always see your value to your husband and his calling. Remember, dishes can ALWAYS wait!!!

Much love,

Jane said...

Hi Karen,
My husband is a family doc as well, although he is currently working for an internal medicine group that does in patient and out patient care. So, he works alternately in the office and in the hospital. On his on-call weekends he is pretty much gone all day Saturday and Sunday, usually about every third weekend (it may lighten up some soon because of some changes int eh office).
But, yes, I dread those weekends. I know that my husband has agonized and prayed over his current job and feels it is where God wants him to serve, I try to serve HIM by being content through this season of life. We are all getting used to it and it is slowly becoming a part of the fabric of our family. Thanks for the encouragement! It's great to hear from "the other side" and from someone who knows exactly what I am going through.

Matthew & Sheri Steer said...

Who is Ann Voskamp - seems I would benefit from reading her book!