Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Tuesday's Truth

The truth of the matter is, if you want to get an insurance company to do something for you, throw the "lawyer" word around (whether you have one or not). 
Since the end of January we have been awaiting approval of ADHD testing for Jesse and have not heard anything from the insurance company. 
After a month I started calling every week.  I got passed around, put on hold, promised it would be flagged a priority. 
After another month I started calling every day.
And then they started asking for faxes of the form.  After the psychologist faxed it about eight times, I took over.  Five faxes later and they still claimed to have not received the form.
So, I bypassed the behavioral health department and went to the top. 
I filed a complaint and told them I had a lawyer on stand by (it wasn't a complete lie, my brother in law is a real estate lawyer and was ready to write a nasty letter with his letterhead). 
That was on Friday afternoon. 
On Monday morning I got a call from some guy who sounded like he was in charge of a lot.  Since then I keep getting calls from this one lady who is now handling the case.  She called me twice today to tell me what the status is. 
It sounds like things are finally moving forward.  Hopefully.
But in the meantime, while I am battling the insurance company, I have also been fighting some personal battles. 
I am finding it hard to talk about Jesse and our moving forward with testing for him, especially in Christian circles. 
I have to be careful who I tell because several times now I have gotten that eyebrow raise, the one that says, "Really?  ADHD?  That kid just needs a good spank" or "Your son is just a sinner, ADHD is just excusing his behavior."  I was also told this weekend that, "Everyone has a little ADHD/Asperbergers in them."  Like I haven't agonized, prayed and waited over this next step?  Like I don't KNOW my son?  Like this is just something everyone struggles with?
And then there are the assumptions from other people that I just don't know how to parent, that I let my son give up too easy when I take him out of basketball when it was totally overstimulating him to the point where I didn't recognize him. 
So, I am being more careful who I share details with.  And I realize that as I write this I am sharing with A LOT of people who might cruise my blog. 
But, it's not like me to not be real. 
So I feel caught.  And frustrated. 
I am trying to keep my eyes on my perfect Savior, my complete righteousness, the one who knows me and my son better than anyone. 
I am so grateful that I can hope in Him and not my parenting abilities or the opinions of others. 
There is peace there. 
It's hard, but there's peace.
And I am finding there is a lot to take joy in.  As I walked down the hallway with Jesse last night at his school for Author's Night, we passed the other first grade class.  Almost every student in the class smiled and said hi to Jesse as he walked by, they actually looked like they were excited to see him. 
It brought joy to my heart to know that he has come so far this year. 
So I see how faithful God as been, even when others have not been, even when I have doubted his goodness.
And I can look foward to the next part of the journey, to the joy waiting there.


Anonymous said...

Jane, i know it is hard to share all this but believe me, I know you are a good parent who dearly loves my little grandson and wants what is best for him. I also know you want him to love Jesus and trust him as much as I do. We pray he will fall passionately in love with Jesus and be a man of courage and faith. We both trust your judgment of what Jesse needs as you and Matt know him better than anyone else. We are praying for you too.

mfb said...

Jane, that is horrific. As if the insurance company was not enough. Shame on those parents who responded in that way. And I do hope they read this and that their shame leads them to repentance. Reminds me of the "friends" of Job.

There is no easy journey with a child but a child with a mysterious ailment that makes it hard for them to be their fullest self sounds excruciating. I know you will keep fighting for Jesse through these obstacles and naysayers. We will be praying for you, too.

Elizabeth said...

Jane, thank you for sharing about your journey with Jesse. That one post speaks volumes about how you will go to any lengths to advocate for your child. There are soooo many parents out there who would not be willing to take on this fight. Jesse is blessed to have a mama who will "move mountains" for him. I firmly believe that as a parent, you know in your gut what your child needs, even if it takes some time for you to figure out what that is. Its a shame that other people cannot keep their opinions to themselves and let you do what you know is best for your son. Everyone is so quick to give their opinions when it comes to how to parent. But only you and Matt know what its like to be on this specific journey for Jesse. Just keep doing what you're doing and know there are people out here who applaud you.

Amy from Occupation: Mommy said...

I'm so sorry other people are giving you a hard time about this! You are his mother, you and Matt know him best. I hope that you are able to get some answers soon!

Laura P. said...

Jane- you are so right when you say you are his mom and you know him the best! everybody can tell you what "they" think you should do but bottom line.... you are the only one that can make that decsion and it is in our blood as mothers to fight tooth and nail for what we believe to be right! I think you are doing everything right! you have to go with your gut and i know you are! God would not lead down the wrong path, but he will give you some speed bumps along the way! You are a great mom and i am happy to have you in my life for sure! :)

Jane said...

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! The blessing in all of this is that for every one person that responds negatively, there are ten others who are supporting me. God is good. And I have some incredible friends and family!
I knew it would be a tough road from the beginning. ADHD is a controversial topic and is very often not portrayed accurately. So, maybe by me going through this and sharing my story, people will understand a little more about what it really is and the kids and parents behind it. Thanks again!