Monday, October 24, 2011

Multitudes on Monday

My heart was heavy during church yesterday- an unresolved issue that had developed over the weekend weighed on me and I wrestled with fears of loss and confusion.  I thought that I might need to leave before the service even started, I wasn't sure I would be able to make it through in one piece.  My sweet son was very concerned for his sad mama and was willing to go home with me if I needed to leave.  But as we took our seats I hugged him and told him that we were probably in the best place to be when we are sad.  It was hard, but I am glad I stayed.  It seemed like every part of the service was meant to minister to my aching soul.  The last song we sang especially spoke to me, in particular this verse:

Go, then, earthly fame and treasure!  Come disaster, scorn and pain!
In thy service, pain is pleasure; With thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called thee Abba, Father!  I have stayed my heart on thee.
Storms may howl and clouds may gather, All must work for good to me.

If my soul needed anything yesterday, it was to choke out those words. 
Even more than the hard situation being resolved, I needed to "stay my heart" on him. 
Even more than being understood, I needed to cry "Abba, Father!". 
Even more than wishing I could go back and do things over, I needed to invite "disaster, scorn and pain!" (with an exclamation point!).  
I needed to believe that "all must work for good to me" when really it just felt so painful.  

So, on this day after Sunday, when I return to the rhythms of the week, I remember those words and the work God did in my heart. 
And I continue to believe by giving thanks:

~ the body of Christ in all it's messy glory

~ the hope of the gospel that brings reconciliation

~ a husband who comforts and leads me to my Savior

~ tears: a sign that we love

~ gain in loss

~ a son who cares for me and his tender heart

~ a new church building

~ God building his church in our midst

~ snuggles with my niece

~ time with my sister

~ laughter with family

~ softened hearts and friendship restored


1 comment:

Kit said...

Jane, this is really really beautiful. The gospel has got hold of you, girl. Love to you.