As you all know, I have been in counseling for a few months. One of the things I have been working through is comparing myself to other people and beating myself up over my failures. I am slowly learning that I have set expectations for myself that are unrealistic for this season of life. For example, the other day in counseling I was beating myself up for not being consistent enough (with a quiet time, discipline, housework, reaching out to others). My counselor asked me, "Is your life consistent right now?" I thought about it, no. I never know when Matt will be home from work, I don't know if I will sleep through the night, I don't know when I will wake up, etc. So, why am I beating myself up for not being consistent when many factors in my life aren't right now (as my friend tells me all the time, "You are in the year of the baby."). My counselor advised me to pick one thing to be consistent with and work at that until I am, then move on to another thing. That I can handle.
And so, you see where my comparing myself to others is not helpful. I would love to make fresh cookies consistently, I would love to be able to instruct my kids every time they disobey, I would love to feel on top of my housework. But that is just not my life right now. I am lucky if the kids have clean clothes and are fed. I pay preschool to do crafts with Karis and I pay someone to clean my house. I also need help to control my emotions and sort through the craziness that is my brain. That's it. And the ironic thing is, that honesty is probably more relate-able for most people than the "pretty" blogs. I hope it is. I hope that I can encourage you in your journey of mothering, mothering honestly. Then maybe we can rise above the muck together.