Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Ok, so we have all seen them, maybe you even write them- blogs that make you cower in the corner out of guilt. You know what I am talking about- pictures of freshly baked cookies or the greatest craft project with your kids; a detailed summary of how to organize your home and/or the cleaning of your home; detailed heart to hearts with a toddler; all the things you DON'T let your kids do, all the things you do; ways to save money, save time, save the earth. I have come to a point in my life where I just can't read these blogs anymore. Not that these sweet blog writers are doing anything wrong but because I just can't help comparing myself to them.

As you all know, I have been in counseling for a few months. One of the things I have been working through is comparing myself to other people and beating myself up over my failures. I am slowly learning that I have set expectations for myself that are unrealistic for this season of life. For example, the other day in counseling I was beating myself up for not being consistent enough (with a quiet time, discipline, housework, reaching out to others). My counselor asked me, "Is your life consistent right now?" I thought about it, no. I never know when Matt will be home from work, I don't know if I will sleep through the night, I don't know when I will wake up, etc. So, why am I beating myself up for not being consistent when many factors in my life aren't right now (as my friend tells me all the time, "You are in the year of the baby."). My counselor advised me to pick one thing to be consistent with and work at that until I am, then move on to another thing. That I can handle.

And so, you see where my comparing myself to others is not helpful. I would love to make fresh cookies consistently, I would love to be able to instruct my kids every time they disobey, I would love to feel on top of my housework. But that is just not my life right now. I am lucky if the kids have clean clothes and are fed. I pay preschool to do crafts with Karis and I pay someone to clean my house. I also need help to control my emotions and sort through the craziness that is my brain. That's it. And the ironic thing is, that honesty is probably more relate-able for most people than the "pretty" blogs. I hope it is. I hope that I can encourage you in your journey of mothering, mothering honestly. Then maybe we can rise above the muck together.


Sullivan's Mom said...

Where are all the kids while the moms have all the time to document and write about all these adventures?
a. With a nanny.
b. With a stay-at-home dad.
c. In front of the TV

Anywho - I appreciate the thoughts - as you see/read - I've been working through similar issues, although mine are more along the lines of being driven slowly insane by perfect stay-at-home moms. :)

*Not every stay-at-home mom is crazy...okay? Disclaimer.*

It's been refreshing to hear other people struggling with the same thing, though.


(let's meet for cocktails away from the children and come up with a strategy for world/blogosphere domination.)

Jane said...

I have often thought the same thing...where are these children while mom happily blogs away- either playing nicely without fighting every five minutes or with their dad- that's what I have concluded.

Cocktails are always welcome (and appreciated!).

Amy from Occupation: Mommy said...

Since you and Sullivan's Mom wrote similar posts today, I will refer you to my comment on her post.

Every so often, I get fed up with all the blogs I read. I just totally empty out my reader, delete my subscriptions, and go looking for new blogs. And the ones I end up wondering about I re-subscribe to. But a lot of them I never think about again. That's the beauty of blogs :) there are sooooo many to choose from.

I am getting ready to enter the "year of the baby" and really, for that year, that's all that can be done. You're a good mom, Jane. You love your kids and that's the most important thing.

Anonymous said...

Seems like we all need to give each other a break. Everybody's life is different. Everybody's kids are different. For instance, I know my life would be very different if I had the kid who stayed in the Ergo for hours at a time. Alas, I have a wild beast.

Then again we live in complete isolation from every other parent and child in our city. I deal less with comparing myself to other moms - I save my self-deprecation for my professional/academic life. And I do a lot of comparing to theology bloggers and lament my inadequacies.

Lisa said...

That same Bible verse is on my favorite mug. I pray it daily as I down the necessary caffiene. And perhaps I should send you a picture of my kitchen counter right now - yikes! But seriously, I love you and I love your honesty. It is an encourgement to this inconsistent mom.

Kit said...

Amen, Jane, amen. Thanks for keeping it real.
Comparisons are of the pit, I'm convinced.
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness, Psalm 37 something.
Jesus holds YOU, not the other way around.
Love you!

Leah said...

crazy that we are all in the same place. about a week ago i took a picture of my messy dining room with intent to post it...but life happened. thanks for sharing jane and sarah! written on a chalk board in my dining room is love is patient. as long as i practice that with my kids who cares about the cob webs taking over my house!