You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Oh, how I love this verse, this promise. It is written next to my kitchen sink so that I can remember to reorient my thoughts to the Lord amidst the chaos. Today, the chaos is in my mind. I am fighting against giving into self-pity, self-doubt, self-deprecation.
I got a call from the principal at Jesse's school this morning. I guess in some ways I have been waiting for this call. Every time I see LCA pop up on my phone my heart races. She wants to meet with me and his teacher tomorrow to discuss some behavior issues Jesse has been having in the classroom. After a rough start, things were improving, until last week there were two instances I thought might push things over the edge. And so, two weeks before parent/teacher conferences, we are meeting with the principal.
Jesse is in great hands at LCA. I know his teacher cares for Jesse, she has actually expressed her LOVE for him. I know that the school in general is geared to change heart issues, not just behavior and that they want to participate in the transformation of Jesse's character. I have full confidence in the care they have for my son. It is my own thoughts that haunt me today:
What have I done wrong?
Am I not disciplining enough?
Am I disciplining too much?
Was he not held enough as a baby?
I thought we were doing what we were supposed to do!
What more can I do?
And yet, there is a part of me that gravitates to the truth: "You keep him in perfect peace..." Thank you Lord, for your spirit that doesn't leave us with our doubts but draws us to you. I don't know what will happen in this meeting tomorrow and I don't know what it will mean for Jesse. But I do know that I can (and will!) have perfect peace if I rest on him, who is our peace.