Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Perfect Peace

You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3
Oh, how I love this verse, this promise. It is written next to my kitchen sink so that I can remember to reorient my thoughts to the Lord amidst the chaos. Today, the chaos is in my mind. I am fighting against giving into self-pity, self-doubt, self-deprecation.
I got a call from the principal at Jesse's school this morning. I guess in some ways I have been waiting for this call. Every time I see LCA pop up on my phone my heart races. She wants to meet with me and his teacher tomorrow to discuss some behavior issues Jesse has been having in the classroom. After a rough start, things were improving, until last week there were two instances I thought might push things over the edge. And so, two weeks before parent/teacher conferences, we are meeting with the principal.
Jesse is in great hands at LCA. I know his teacher cares for Jesse, she has actually expressed her LOVE for him. I know that the school in general is geared to change heart issues, not just behavior and that they want to participate in the transformation of Jesse's character. I have full confidence in the care they have for my son. It is my own thoughts that haunt me today:
What have I done wrong?
Am I not disciplining enough?
Am I disciplining too much?
Was he not held enough as a baby?
I thought we were doing what we were supposed to do!
What more can I do?
And yet, there is a part of me that gravitates to the truth: "You keep him in perfect peace..." Thank you Lord, for your spirit that doesn't leave us with our doubts but draws us to you. I don't know what will happen in this meeting tomorrow and I don't know what it will mean for Jesse. But I do know that I can (and will!) have perfect peace if I rest on him, who is our peace.


Lisa said...

So glad to see how the Lord cares for YOU and gently reminds you of His promise and goodness. I'll be praying for the big meeting, may that peace remain and the condemning thoughts be kept at bay.

Gary said...

rJane, I am praying for you and know you have been a good mother doing what you believe is best for Jesse. No one knows their child and his needs better than their caring mother. God will give you peace. Pearl

Sullivan's Mom said...

As a teacher, and now a mom, I feel your pain. On a practical note, sometimes I know teachers start to take things personally - once you get into a rut with a kid it's hard to dig out. Has there been any consideration of a different placement for him? (I mean, in a different class?) In February last year I took a girl from a colleague's class who had been a serious behavior challenge and she had no problems with me. Of course, you know the ins and outs more...but I just wonder what types of strategies the teacher has attempted in an effort to deal with this? It seems like this type of official meeting would be a last resort...has she tapped out her resources, or what?

Jane said...

Sarah- Jesse's teacher has been very helpful and patient with him from the beginning. She has tried several different things and worked with me early on to come up with some ideas that work best with Jesse. She has been utilzing the guidance counsleor to walk through some lying issues he has been having as well. I talked to a friend today whose daughter has been at this school for 8 years. She said that meetings like this are usually very encouraging and meant to help the child change behavior but also to deal with heart issues. I am not sure exactly what will be on the table tomorrow- the issues don't necessarily have a pattern, but we will see if there are things that I don't see.

Sullivan's Mom said...

can you tell how my hardened public school cynicism rears its ugly head? I wonder if you'd be interested in talking to my sister....her oldest (who is now in 5th grade) struggled a ton with lying....she may have some wisdom for you? I can send you her email address if you want, or maybe you're friends with her on FB.