Sunday, May 15, 2011

On the eve of a new week...

Is it really Monday tomorrow?  What a crazy packed weekend we have had! 
It started on Friday when Matt got his wisdom teeth taken out.  He did great.  I will never forget the loopy look on his face when I went in to get him from the recovery room!  The first question he asked was, "Do I look like a chipmunk?" and then a few minutes later, "Are the kids ok?"  Then he closed his eyes and his whole body began to lean toward the floor.  I think he might have ended up there if I didn't jump up and grab him.  Then he looked up at me with these glazed over eyes and goofy grin.  Poor guy.  But then we came home, he slept for three hours and then was pretty much his old self running around gettin things done.  That's my man! 
Saturday morning I took Karis to ice skating- she is doing great, by the way!  She has moved up to the second level now and gliding more than "marching".  I am so proud of her!  Then Matt took Jesse to baseball in the afternoon and then off to a play date.  The rest of us went to my cousin's graduation from college party- I still remember babysitting him, crazy!
Today after church we visited with a missionary family that our church is going to support and hopefully, over the years, partner with in Sudan.  It was great to hear about the things God is doing in that country and in their own lives.  The rest of the afternoon was filled with Lego playing,. movie watching and Lincoln log homes. 
Now it's quiet.  I haven't written in awhile because I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately and I have not been sure how to write about it.  And I didn't feel like writing about anything else.  After meeting with the psychologist on Monday morning, we got an official diagnosis of ADHD (no shocker there!) and a recommendation for medication to help him.  Matt and I had personally already arrived at that decision- we went back and forth about the pros and cons and what more we could do.  We feel like we have run out of options and thought that it would at least be a good idea to try it- we have heard so many stories of kids who have thrived after starting meds and have felt such relief.  Having Jesse tell me lately that he just couldn't help doing the things he does made me think that he might benefit from some help. 
So, we took the plunge. And a plunge it was.  My fears are overwhelming at times.  I fear what people will think of me, putting my young child on drugs.  There is a lot of mis information and stigma attached to medicating children for ADHD and with that comes judgement.  That is one of the reasons it has taken me a whole week to write about it!  I also fear the side effects.  From what I have been told, from the psychologist, our doctor and my husband is that the most common side effects are insomnia and loss of appetite.  Those seemed like manageable things to me.
We started him on Friday and sent him to school.  When I talked to his teacher later that day she said that she saw huge improvements: he was more focused in class, for the first time all year he went right to his desk at the start of school and began his work without asking his teacher what he needed to do, he was more engaged with other students and he sat through an extra long chapel without fidgeting.  I was shocked.  Day one!  But, it was a little scary to me too.  She wasn't describing my kid.  I was glad that we were getting those outcomes but I realized that I would need to get used to this new version of Jesse.  I have loved and parented a child based on his particular characteristics and now I would need to get to know a new side of him.  It was comforting to see that some things stayed the same- fighting with his sister, manipulating his sister, asking a million questions, light saber fighting (although for not as long and a little more toned down).  I even came upstairs yesterday to see him playing with Lego's in his room by himself, something he never would have done before!  It was this bittersweet type of feeling- glad that he was able to enjoy and do things that I know he was capable of and wanted to do but just wasn't able to.  But, also realizing that we are changing some things about him- weird thought.
He has shown some side effects as well- loss of appetite and insomnia.  But also some emotional lability- he cries at the drop of a hat, over silly things.  Also, his anxiety seems heightened and he expressed to me tonight, before going to bed, that he felt sad.  We aren't sure if these things will go away with time or if they will be the new normal.  I don't thin that I can accept the last few things we are seeing as the new normal for my boy, so we will give it a few days and see if those things improve.
Wow, that was a lot!  Sorry!  But now you know how to pray for us- we really need it.  I am pretty much an emotional mess and really just desire wisdom to know if we are doing the right thing- I don't have that peace yet.  Matt keeps reminding me that none of these side effects are irreversible and will end as soon as we stop the meds, I know that but I can't help feeling guilty for making him go through it.  Sigh. 
Thanks for reading this, if you have lasted this long and thanks for praying- I will try to keep the ol blog updated! 


Kit said...

Jane, we love you and I'll be praying for you and Matt to have wisdom. Our Father will show you the way, love.

Anonymous said...

Praying daily for you and Matt and all of the family. I am eager to see you all this weekend.

Leah said...

thank you for sharing this. know that you are not alone in the emotion rollercoaster of parenting! i spend half of my week a mess, but then get pulled out of it and reminded that God loves me and knows my needs more than i do. i'm praying for you and your family and jesse as he adjusted to the medication.

Lisa said...

This is understandably a rocky time - big changes in your boy! We do the best we can for our children and that usually involves trial and error (I think Jesse has taught you this lesson already ;) Don't worry about "other people." He's not their child. I know your hope is not in any method of treatment, but in the Lord. He will lead you though. Praying He will give you peace!

domandkat said...

I remember one of my friends in VA putting her son on meds for this and he THANKED HER. That before he was just so angry but then he was peaceful.